If Things Were Different
by Loveguru92
Summary: Couldnt think of a title so yeah that's what I came up with.. Sort of AU.. Brendan and Ste didn't have any romantisim, Ste didn't start working at Chez Chez. They both live in hollyoaks village, I have changed the story a little bit but I doubt it'll matter. Set around the time that Brendan gets released from prison after Silas sets him up. NOW COMPLETE.
1. Chapter 1

**Need some motivation to continue with the rest of my fics so when I came up with this I though why not.. Semi AU, Brendan and Ste stay in the village although they're paths haven't really crossed. Could either do this in two parts or a few parts, let me know what you's think. Whipped this up in an hour.**

Part One- Stes pov

"I knew he didn't do it.." I heard Mitzeee shriek while looking at the paper outside of price slice.

"Well it was pretty believable." Nancy grunted back, clearly upset that she was wrong for once.

Everyone's talking about it, Brendan Brady who's spent weeks locked up for murders that he didn't do. Apparently it was a set up. The guy has always seemed creepy, but in a strangely good way. I just feel bad for Cheryl, his sister. She went to get him when he was getting released and turns out he had already buggered off somewhere else.

Hasn't been seen since.

Until a warm afternoon, I see him and I'm not sure if he's been back for that long or not but I decide to engage in idle chit-chat.

"You back then?" I ask before I can help myself. Somehow he looks hotter, if that was possible. It's common knowledge around here that he's gay, like myself but somehow we've never really spoke. The quick 'hello, how you doing' and random conversations when I've been at the club but that's it.

"Looks like it." he grunts back, shooting a quick glance in my direction before staring into space again.

"Ya alright?" I ask, already know that it's a stupid question but still ask anyway.

He looks at me again, his gaze lingering on my face, "Ye know what it's like to feel abandoned Steven?"

There it is, the way he says that 'Steven' it seems to just roll of his tongue and manages to make my heart pick up a pace.

"Well yeah I guess so." I say shrugging.

He doesn't seem to realise I've even said anything back, "Nobody believing ye, even your own sister doubting ye."

"Well I don't have a sister, me. I'm an only child." I say back and he frowns a bit at me before shaking his head as if to shake out ideas.

"I'll see ye." he grunts, walking away and I can't help but shout him back.

"Ya didn't see Cheryl when you were away, she were proper gutted. Everybody has doubts dunt they?" I say, trying to be encouraging, I can tell he's in someplace dark and although we aren't close, I can't help but feel like I should help him.

I can tell he's listening and he looks at me and looks a bit.. Thankful? I guess. He smiles at me, a soft smile that I've barley ever seen on his face before and with a nod of his head he's walking away again, still with his signature swagger.

It's a few weeks later the next time I see him apart from the passing, he's in the office and Cheryl's away home, decided to ask me to tend the bar. I don't work here I'm just doing a favour for a mate and if that means getting to see Brendan then it's a plus.

My heart drops when I see a slim, pale, blonde headed boy getting huddled out the office by Brendan. Maybe it's a good thing he's found someone right enough, even if he doesn't seem to take any interest in me. They don't look like a couple though, the boy looks as though he's going to cry as he storms out the club.

Doug Carter who's sitting across from me, seems to have became uncomfortable all of a sudden. After whining about Texas for the past hour he finally stands up and I can't help but be thankful to Brendan's presence.

"Thanks for the chat Ste. Your better than therapy." he says grinning at me, "And obviously if you ever need to speak about Noah, I'm here."

"Yeah no bother Doug. See ya later." I grin back before looking at Brendan.

It would appear that he's watched the small exchange and when Doug does leave he takes a seat in the stool beside where Doug had previously been sitting.

"Why are ye behind the bar Steven?" he asks and it seems like he's cheered up a bit from our last conversation.

"Cheryl went home, asked me if I didn't mind working till you's close." I explain, "Ya should be thankful she weren't ere to see your.. mate leave." I can't help the jealousy that is laced in that sentence.

"Yeah probably, I wouldn't have heard the end of it." he grunts, I hum in reply not knowing what else to say.

I grab the whiskey that I know is kept for Brendan and hold it out to him in an offering, he nods his head and I grab him a glass before pouring it.

"Ye not getting one for yourself?" he grunts, "Can't leave me to drink alone."

"Yeah your right." I say and we share a smile before I pour myself a glass and take a seat beside him.

He downs it in one before slamming it on the bar and I attempt to do the same but the whiskey burns my throat and I end up spluttering on it. "That's rank that is." I say, screwing up my face and pushing the rest of the glass towards him.

When I look up at him he's already smirking at me but quickly looks away, he examines the glass before pouring it down his throat, "So how's your.. Noel? Or is it Neil."

"It's neither, Noah." I correct him, "and he isn't mine." I correct again before fiddling with my thumbs.

"What happened with him?" he asks, generally interested.

"A few things, the reason that he ain't ere though is cause he went to Newcastle, got a job down there or summat." I shrug acting not bothered although I'm getting flashes of our relationship, the cheating, the jealousy. The times he hit me, the arguments.

"Ye can talk to me." Brendan says bringing my attention back to his face, his eyes feel like they could pierce through my soul.

"Thanks but ya don't wanna know the boring details of my love life." I say before laughing.

He grunts and looks away, "How about ye kids and what's her name..?"

"Amy?" I frown, forgetting how long he has been away for, "They moved away, see them now and then." I sigh.

"Ye miss them?" he asks, I've never known Brendan to make conversation like this, before it's been me talking away and he just grunts every now and then to show that he's listening.

"All the time." I say in honestly, "You miss your boys?"

He seems to deflate at the mention of them, "Course."

A group of students come in and I head around the bar, taking the glass I was using. I expect Brendan to go back into the office but he doesn't, just sits there and while I serve the students I feel his eyes burning on me.

"Ayyy Ste I didn't know you worked here!" I hear a drunken slur from Leanne Holiday, brilliant.

"I don't, just doing me mate a favour." I smirk back, fake smile plastered on.

"Oh yeah? Well your my fave gay so I expect to see you on the dance floor." she says in an over excited manner.

I just shake my head while she gets carted away with the rest of the group. I cannot stop myself from rolling my eyes. Theres only they students and two older women, maybe in their mid 40's in the club so it isn't that busy.

"Don't ye have somewhere to be Steven?" Brendan asks me when we're left alone at the bar again.

"Nah not really." I say smirking back, "You?"

"Nope." he says without hesitation.

"What about that lad from earlier?" I ask.

"That was just a one off." he grunts, getting shifty all of a sudden.

"What, he isn't your boyfriend?" I ask, hope building up slowly.

He laughs a little, "No, I don't do boyfriends."

"What, like ever?" I ask in shock but then again even before he came out he was a bit of a player. He shakes his head and looks a little embarrassed.

"Aw well, not to worry." I say smiling and he frowns, "There's someone out there for everyone int there?" I shrug.

He looks thoughtful for a moment before looking at me again, "I guess your right." he stands from the bar then and my heart leaps out my throat until he starts walking back to his office.

"Give me a shout if ye need anything yeah?" he says but doesn't even wait for my answer before slamming the door.

I've not seen Brendan in weeks and I'm getting the slight feeling that he's avoiding me, I get that idea out of my head though because I've not actually done anything for him to want to avoid me. It's not like I told him that being near him makes me feel more alive than anyone else does, that ever since he came out I've not been able to get the images of me riding him out of my head and I've definitely not told him that I think about him like all the fucking time .

I've met someone, there isn't an instant spark there but there's banter and he's easy going. He's got jet black hair and is just a little taller than me, with bright green eyes and a smile that says danger. His names Liam and while we're standing in this bar.

A gay bar he murmurs to me under his breath, "Have you seen the looks we've been getting Ste?" a slight laugh coming from his mouth.

I have, I just wasn't sure whether they were looking at him or me. I'm not vain but I've had plenty of men tell me about my 'good features'. We have a few drinks and a laugh before he excuses himself to the bathroom.

It's five minutes later that I feel someone beside me, I turn around expecting to see Liam but instead see Brendan.

"Small world eh?" he smirks, looks like a weight has been lifted from him.

"What're you doin ere?" I ask in shock before correcting myself, "Im not myself by the way, I don't loom about bars by myself."

He laughs at me then, "Yeah I saw ye earlier with that.. lad."

"Yeah Liam." I say nodding my head.

"He the one then?" he asks me and I get confused until I remember our last conversation.

I laugh at that, "Nah don't think so."

He looks like he's debating with himself for a moment before he steps a little closer to me and lowers his voice, "So ye won't mind heading out of here then?" he asks in little over a whisper.

I lick my lips subconsciously before looking back towards the bathroom door, there's no sign of Liam coming back so I shrug and stand up. Brendan pushes through the crowd, keeping his arm around my wrist so he doesn't lose me.

When we get outside I finally feel like I can breath.

"Kabab?" Brendan suggests and I frown, don't understand why we even left together.

But then I think better than to question it and nod my head. We get our kababs and Brendan pays, much to my distaste. We sit on a bench outside eating and I take sometime to look at the sky. It's a comfortable silence between us and I don't mention that I'm freezing because knowing Brendan he'll make sure I go home now.

When I do shiver he seems to press his side against mine and shrugs off his leather jacket, wrapping it around my shoulders but doesn't make any attempt to move.

"Thanks." I say softly, don't want to speak to loud incase it breaks this moment and reality comes back again. He gives me a sheepish grin and I cant help but like this soft side of Brendan, really like it.

We sit there for another twenty minutes or so before he stands up and holds out his hand for me to take to help me up. He squeezes it after I'm standing then drops it, "Let's get ye home yeah."

"Okay." I smile, "So what were you doin in that bar then?"

"Was hoping to pick up a warm body for the night." he says looking away from me.

"And?" I ask him urging him to continue.

"I got a better offer." he says smiling at me. I want to push it but I don't, the fact that he's said he'd rather.. I don't know go for a Kabab and a freezing cold walk home with me instead of doing god knows what with some lad, seems a fair compliment.

When we get to mine it's awkward, I don't know what this is, if I should go for a kiss or not and when he reaches up and strokes a finger down my cheek my breath catches in my throat and I think that maybe he is going to kiss me.

He doesn't he simply stares at me, as though taking in everything before dropping his hand, he steps forward but then steps back. "I'll see ye around Steven."

I can feel the weight of his jacket around my shoulders as I see him walk away and I should probably shout on him to give it back but I think better of it, deciding I can use it as an excuse to see him again.

I don't give him the jacket back the next day, I wait two days after and then I go to the club during the day. I'm not even sure if he's going to be there but I leave that to chance.

He is and so is Cheryl, and when they both turn around to look at me as if to question my presence I lift up the jacket. "Forgot to give ya this back didn't I?" I ask stupidly.

He looks taken back and Cheryl looks wide eyed but has a knowing smile on her face as she watches Brendan come over and take the jacket back. "Thanks ye didn't have to bring it back."

"Course I did." I shrug.

"Em Steven?" he says and I can see him working up to asking me something.

"Yeah?" I say maybe too excited.

"Em nothing, just thanks for the jacket ye know." he says seeming to change his mind.

"Yeah. No problem." I say before making my leave.


	2. Chapter 2

**So I decided just to do this in two parts but I might do another fic on it in the future:) I hope you's enjoy xx**

Part Two

Brendan's pov

It's been weeks since the near kiss with Steven. Being in the heat of the moment and having too much whiskey in my system was to blame.

That's what I told myself anyway and Cheryl. We both know it's just another excuse. It's been no secret between me and Chez that I've always had an eye for the young lad, when I had first came out Chez had already got it out of me.

Even though we've never been particularly close I've still yearned for him, looked at him whenever I got the chance. I knew better than to get involved. When we first met he had been a scally who had no idea exactly who he was and I had been the angry, queer in the closet.

There was a desire for him but when I saw that he was close to Chez I decided it wasn't a good idea, I didn't need some adolescent giving me grief. Then when he had came out I still had my own battles in my mind, I couldn't stay away from him though, whether it was a five minute conversation or just looking at him from afar.

I had finally worked up the courage to make the next step, he was in the club. Alone, with a drink at the bar, it was only when I got nearer that someone got there first. That's when the next problem came, Noah.

He rubbed it in how him and Steven were 'seeing each other', bragged about how things were getting serious and I had tried to push my anger to the side. He seemed to still know that he was getting to me, he would look at me with a smug smile that I wanted to smack off his face. And I would have, if I didn't get arrested first.

Things with Steven and Noah had apparently got rough and I don't know what exactly went on but I could tell by Cheryl's face that it was something important. So you would think that now since we were both single and neither of us were in jail or the closet that we would finally get together.

I'm not stupid I know the lad likes me, I get a weird twinge when I see his eyes light up a little every time he sees me. There's still something thats stopping me, whenever I go to ask him out I seem to lose the ability to speak , whenever I try to make a move I think maybe it's a bad idea.

It's not until Chez gets a few drinks down my throat that she brings it up,

"Bren you've known him for years, and you still want him doesn't that mean something?" she asks and I grunt, am obviously not pissed enough to talk about it yet, "He isn't going to be single forever." she says and I rest my head in my hands, it's as if I don't already know this.

"It's obvious you both care about each other!" she tries again.

"What if I'm no good for him Chez?" I say to her eventually.

She gives me a small smile and a squeeze on the arm, "I think that's up to him to decide isn't it?"

"Guess so." I shrug, "So what should I do?"

"Ask him out silly." she says grinning, like it's the simplest thing in the world.

"Fine." I say, it's not like I need to do it right this minute.

"Finally!" she squeals, she drinks the rest of her glass before standing up and grabbing her handbag.

"Where are ye goin?" I grunt.

"Home." she says simply before breaking out in a smile, "I text Ste he's on his way."

"Ye did what?!" I can't help but shout slightly. "What if I said I didn't want to ask him out?"

"Then you'd be lying, I'll see ye at home Bren." she says along with a wink before walking away.

This is when the nerves start to kick in, I don't even know what I'm supposed to say to him. Everything I think of saying just sounds laughable. I don't know how long I'm hunched over the bar thinking about this but the next I know I hear a scuffle of feet and know straight away it's Steven. I turn to face the stairs waiting for him to appear and when he does he freezes.

"Sorry, Cheryl told me to come ere." he says with a slight frown on his face.

"Yeah I know." I say rolling my shoulders like it'll roll away the stress, "Just.. Just take a seat Steven."

"Is something wrong Brendan?" he says taking a few steps closer to me.

I tell myself to get a grip and go for it, Cheryl's right I've had my eyes on him for years and even after everything my desire for him hasn't changed. There's something special about him I just know it, feel myself cringe at the thought.

I get us both a drink, give Steven a beer instead of whiskey, he takes a seat and looks at me expectedly.

"Em.. Well.. I" I say,

"Brendan will ya just spit it out." he says smirking can see I'm struggling but doesn't know why.

"Would ye like to go for a drink with me?" I snap, it comes out a bit harsh.

"Were havin a drink aren't we?" he says at first I think he's doing it deliberately but when I look at his face I can tell he's clueless.

"That's not what I meant.." I sigh,

"Aw, ya mean like a.." he lets that hang between us.

"Yeah, a date." I say nodding too nervous to even look at him. Never have I asked someone on a date, I've went on a few before but I've not went out my way to ask someone out.

He frowns, "I don't get it.."

I decide that maybe it will be worth it if I tell him, "I like ye." I simply say but then laugh, sound like I'm back in school, but I manage to look him in the face, "I really like ye. I have for years."

He looks as though he really didn't have a clue but I guess that was my plan, "But.. Ya said ya don't do boyfriends?" he says chewing on his lip.

"Your right I don't." I shrug, "but I'm willing to try this whole thing." I say to him the honesty of it making my cheeks heat up with embarrassment.

He doesn't answer but he grins, widely and it might be the most perfect thing I've ever seen.

The nerves are getting to me as I wait on Steven coming to the flat. It's been a week since I asked him out and were just getting the chance to follow through with our plans, just with the way that it's worked out with our jobs.

We've text each other everyday, even spoke on the phone once. I've learned a few new things about Steven and I even told him a bit about myself. Cheryl told me the key to a relationship is to share things with each other.

When Steven finally gets to my flat he looks shattered and instead of us going out we decide to say in. I cook him a fry up, since it's the only thing that still tastes good when it's burned and we watch a movie that's on the tv.

Well he watches the movie, I get bored after five minutes.

"Ya don't like this do ya?" Steven asks from beside me.

"No it's good. It's nice." I tell him in honesty.

"Don't lie ya aren't even watching it." he groans, and it's only then I realise he was talking about the movie.

"I wasn't talking about the movie." I blurt out before I change my mind and don't say to him, "I was talking about this." I say pointing between both of us.

He smiles again and it brightens up his whole face, maybe even the whole room. This time when I go in for a kiss I don't back out and it might be the best thing I've ever done.

It starts slow, our mouths getting aquatinted, then the pace picks up and it gets heated. So I pull away and I tell him in a hushed whisper that I don't want to rush things, that I want it to be special.

He tells me that I make him happy, That nobody else has made him feel this way, and obviously my insecurity got the better of me and I reminded him about Noah. We had an argument and things got heated, I stormed out his flat before realising what I had done.

As soon as my mind caught up with me I regretted it, I always end up messing things up and to think that me and Steven really have got a good thing going on, it's been our first argument and we've been 'seeing' each other for a month. So I go back, he must know its me because I saw the curtains move but he doesn't answer and I don't blame him.

That doesn't stop me chapping his door and although he doesn't make any noise I know he's listening to me so I start talking.

"I'm sorry Steven, I'm not used to this. I've always been able to keep people at arms length but somehow you've wormed your way in. Nobody's made me feel like you do.. Ye make me want to be a better person." I say, am praying that he is listening, "I'm sorry that I get jealous, I'm just not used to someone being so important that I'm scared they get taken away from me. I know it'll happen, you'll find someone better or I'll mess it up but.."

I don't finish what I'm saying because the door opens, and he gives me a watery smile. I ignore the tears that I see in his eyes and pull him into my arms, and it feels like he belongs there.

"You love him don't you?" Amy asks me.

Steven brought me on his weekly visit to see his kids, he's in the garden while me and Amy are looking at them from the window, cup of tea in hand. I've not taken my eyes off him since I caught a glance through the window.

I don't want to answer that question, I know if I do then there's no going back. I've been mulling it over in my head, I know I love him. Think I've known for years but just ignored it, I haven't admitted it out loud because I know then that I wont be able to take it back. So I shrug and I hear her let out a sigh before snatching the cup out my hand and storming out the room. I still haven't taken my eyes off him.

We're out a drive in my Mercedes, he's wearing my sunglasses and his hair is blowing in the wind since the windows are rolled down. It's one of they random heatwave days in the middle of March and we've spent it driving around the countryside.

It'stwo o'clockand we stop off at a diner to get some lunch. We both get cheeseburgers and chips and by the time he's finished his burger I've already ate my full meal and started on his chips. He smiles at me like this is normal and I realise that it is.

I had always hated the gay couples that I had seen, now I think that I had partly envied them, because they were out and proud and happy with who they were and I wasn't. I wasn't even happy with who I was pretending to be.

Now though I am happy, and it's all because of Steven. So I tell him,

"I didn't imagine I'd ever have this."

"What a cheeseburger?" he frowns at me.

I smile at him, "No us." I can feel my cheeks heat up.

"What ya on about?" he says and let out a laugh.

I don't know how to explain to him, have no idea how I can even begin to explain, "I love ye." I finally tell him, "Not just because your, you but because the way I am with you. Ye make me a better person, the person I never thought that I would be."

He grins back and his eyes are watering again, "I love you too." he shrugs and he looks like I've left him speechless for a change. I grasp onto they words knowing that he means it.

And when he smiles it lights up the room, just like it lights up my heart.

**The end..**

**So that last line was a little cheesy but who doesn't love a bit of cheese eh? Review and lemme know what you's think and thank you to everyone that reviewed the first part aswell x**


End file.
